My Story

I clearly remember one of the most heartbreaking events of my life: the day I lost my faith in Magick.
I was a young, hopeful 5 year old girl running in the woods with my kindergarten class. I found the most beautiful and magnificent feather, unlike anything I had ever seen before. The feather was blue, silver and black, and had a shiny, magical glow to it. Up until that moment, I had had my struggles with maintaining faith in Magick, because everyone around me seemed to not see or understand it the way I did. My parents didn’t seem to believe in their own Magick, and of course, it was them I trusted the most. But in that moment, it was clear to me. This was the final proof I needed. Magick is real!
I grabbed the feather in awe and ran back, shouting to my teacher “Look, I found a magical feather! Magic is real!”. The tall, brunette and rather full-figured middle-aged woman just looked at me with a small, crooked smile, and sneered “oh hunny, that’s just from a Blue Jay Bird”.
Even though I didn’t understand what she was talking about, my heart fell like a rock to the ground. It was not so much her words, but it was her energy. I could again feel this absolute rationalization of an event that was completely magical to me. Could she not see it? Didn’t she understand? Had she lost the connection too? At that moment I couldn’t bear it anymore and the tears ran down my cheeks. I was crying like someone had broken my heart, because it felt like that. That was the moment when I gave up the connection with my internal magical realm. The world had successfully started the process of integrating me into the grey, incomplete and dualistic 3D world.
Since that day, a lot of things have changed. I held on to my conditioned world-view for the decades following that experience, but life had a different plan for me and eventually the 3D paradigm had to break. I was thrown the experiences and challenges that would eventually unite me with my inner, sacred space again. Little would I have known back then that I am now the girl who picks up feathers from the most magical and random places, with absolute faith in the messages they bring me. Magick is real!
The Awakening
To make a more complex story short, the internal disconnection with myself was making itself clear by various symptoms such as depression, anxiety, compulsive behaviour, an eating disorder, over-thinking, feeling uneasy in my body and feeling generally disconnected from people around me. At age 18, it reached its climax, when I reached a crisis and couldn’t cope with everyday life anymore. After years of trying to suppress and fight part of me “like a good girl”, the pain was too big and it was time for me to face the shadow. Having tried to commit suicide several times, I was at a fork in the road with only two clear options: end it or face what is necessary to face.
My desire for what I knew life could be, was too big and I knew I had to get out of the crisis. After going through the regular mental healthcare system, with no real results, I realized I had to take matters into my own hands, and implement some things on a personal level.
I started, quite naturally, to shift my perspective of life. I realized that, in reality, there were so many small and big things to be grateful for. I made a document for myself with 11 steps I could implement to shift my perspective of life around. In this book, you will find quite a few of them, and indeed they did help shift my life around. It started with a small step of shifting my focus from despair to gratitude, which led me to various paths I had never dreamed of. I started to focus on the things that gave me joy and why they gave me joy. Eventually, I radically changed my diet to a raw vegan diet, I moved to Spain to connect with nature and I embarked upon a very dedicated meditation journey in order to find my “purpose”.
Flash forward a few years, and in a vision, I discovered what I thought to be my purpose. Being shown that I was to take part in the modeling industry made no sense to me at all back then, but it has taken me to places and people whom I might never have met otherwise. More importantly, it has taken me to places within myself I might never have seen otherwise! Life has seemed like a puzzle, and slowly, but surely, I have put together the pieces, one by one. I learned that even when you feel the most lost, you might be right on track. There are still many pieces to be placed, but with what I have learned so far, I feel confident in sharing the steps in this book!